Sixth Month Mark.

I took a glance at the calendar and walked on by. Then I walked back. Six months? Six months! Already?

It feels like a lifetime ago...yet as if it as all too soon for six months to have passed by without Mom. Every month I've marked the 21st as a date to remember. This month though...it's a bit different. I can remember May 2011, a trying and tumultuous month--different from this May although still a month for growth. Not just that, but the 19th, 20th, and 21st this month is on Saturday, Sunday, then Monday...just like six months ago. It's just amazing to see how different your life is now compared to six months prior. You know?

It was just the Saturday before Thanksgiving. We just sang together in the downstairs cafeteria side room of Mercy General Hospital for our "small" party of 30. It was raining outside. (See Giving Thanks)

It was just the Sunday we left for San Francisco to visit my Grandma, promising my Mom to be back soon. Hating to leave yet believing that we could leave, maybe getting a little bit too comfortable. It was autumn. The red, orange, and yellow leaves were lovely.

It was just that night we rushed home after only four or maybe five hours in the city. We were just in that room and everyone around us was weeping yet we still were expecting a miracle--a different kind of miracle than the one we received. (See Urgent & Most Recent Update on Agnes - 11:30pm)

It was just early Monday morning when we left with no sleep and puffy red eyes with grief and peace and quiet joy. (See She is NOW peacefully resting,,.)

It was just a few months ago! Surely not six, surely not so long ago!

Stunned--amazed just how things change! It seems to be a resounding theme in my life, "Wow, How things change!".

God takes you from where you were, to where you are, to where you're going to be...You cannot imagine how it'd all turn out, how things will move along...you think He's not there yet you can look back and see His fingerprints on the moments you thought you were at your worst. Like when you feel like he abandoned you or you simply couldn't see Him though trusting He is there. Like a child in a darkened room knowing he or she is safe because someone he or she loves most is sitting in there waiting for him or her to fall asleep. He is here in the dark occurences. He is here in the joyous occasions! He is here for every moment in between.

God, I am just to grateful, so thankful, for my Mom her love for you. The love for you which you instilled in her heart to make each person feel valued, accepted, and loved. That they felt so important in her presence and I am so privileged to have her as my Mom. Thank you for giving her to me as a Mom, although this is one of those nights where I begin to miss her most...I know that she rejoices in being with you--for you love her more than I ever could.Thank you for allowing to be my mentor, one of my most treasured best friends--my Mom.

-Liana S.

Mothers Day 2012

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life...Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: 'There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” ~ Proverbs 31: 10-12, 28-29

To the beautiful mothers out there...thank you. And to their children - love and appreciate your mother. You only get one. ♥

Expect A Miracle!

Excerpt from Agnes' Journal - April 30, 2011

Joshua 3:7/4:14
God makes leaders and when He does, He is with them.

Joshua 4:24
He performs miracles NOT to prove how great I am but to show how powerful He is. Also to show His mercy and lovingkindness towards one so I don't forget who He is.

From tthe facebook of Dennis S.

http://gerson.org/gerpress/

Saw a documentary of this Gerson Institute, which focuses on the Hollistic treatment that Dr. Max Gerson offered over 50 years ago.

So there is Hope.

The epiloque on the movie was very powerful & significant, for it spoke deeply to me.

I hope it speaks to you too, for your Life does matter.

"For each of us eventually, whether we are ready or not, someday we will come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. It will not matter what you owned or owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. So, too, your hopes, ambitions and plans. Your "to do" list will expire. The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. It won’t matter where you came from or on what side of the tracks you lived at the end. Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured? What will matter is not what you bought but what you built. It’s not what you got but what you gave. What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. What will matter is not your competence but your character. What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone. What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you. What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

A Life lived significantly is not one of circumstance as much as it was of unfailing dedication of choice.

A Life that Touched & Cured a dying & suffering humanity then & now."

As of now..

I’m stuck in this uncomfortable transition from hitting “rock-bottom” to getting back up and climbing to the top. Learned so much these past 5 or 6 months of losing a mom. I feel like I went from a child’s mindset to a young adult’s in a matter of seconds. I guess that’s what losing someone does to you. It wakes you up to the harsh realities of this world. A world full of pain, struggle, and despair…but amidst the chaos, we don’t lose hope. Though my heart has been broken, I’m learning to look for the beauty and light in every struggle. I’ve learned how to be alone, because through my silence is when God speaks the loudest. I’ve learned not only how to be grateful, but also to “give until there’s nothing left”. I’ve learned how to just sit back, chill, and listen. I’ve learned not only how to think more in depth, but also how to voice and write down every opinion and thought - and to welcome new insight and different perspectives. I’ve learned how to work harder, stay independent, and not to let negativity hinder me from doing me. I’ve gained confidence that God’s plan is perfect. Fixing my eyes on the prize - what will last forever rather than the temporary fixes in life.

I’ve learned so much, and I still have so much more to go. I’m excited to get a career started, inspire others with it, and be an encouragement to others who share my same struggle. Bigger dreams, countless goals, a creative mind and a blank canvas. 20 years old and still a whole life to live….it’s only just begun.

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. ~ 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

"though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." Psalm 70: 20-21

Heal our hearts, God... earthly pain is too much to bear.

As the Ruin Falls

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

A poem by C.S. Lewis written after he lost his wife of two years to cancer.

Lately it seems that more often than not I feel my eyes betraying me by beginning to flood with tears. I share this not to gain your sympathy, but again to state that "Yes, dear. I'm imperfect and perfectly human".

Anyway, this was actually one of my favourite poems before my Mom passed away. I remember when I told her that it was my favourite. :) But now I understand it a lot better. Enjoy!

I hope you can understand its message and apply it to your life too.

Expect a miracle!

-Liana S.

4 months...

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” -C.S. Lewis

There are many days when I begin to think I've heard His message, or I begin to feel a little cocky like maybe I've got God all figured out. Nope. Never will I be able to figure Him all out in my lifetime.

I think that the pain like this in life cuts through all the barriers and blinders we put up--the ones we put up knowingly and unknowingly, and we can truly say,

Job 42:5
My ears had heard of you,
but now my eyes have seen you.

"God, I've heard of you before. I thought I knew all about your ways that you're a good God or I believed the lie that you're a cruel God. But now, I see you."

This is an incomplete thought but maybe I'll finish it later. If not, just a verse for you to ponder on a little. Gooooodnight!

Expect a miracle!

-Liana S.

and counting...

Excerpt from her journal 2/28/10,

Lord,

I Thank You for giving me the ability to take it one day at a Time and Worry is No Longer my weakness.

Thank You for teaching Me to Give everything to You, to Rest on Your Promises and to Live by Faith.

Thank You for Bringing Me to a New Higher Level & Teaching Me to Fully Depend on You.

Thank You for Teaching Me to Listen and Discern your Voice and for the Future Plans you have Laid out for Me and My Family.

In Jesus Precious name, Amen.

Expect A Miracle